He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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