I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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