Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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