is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
