I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
