Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
