My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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