We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Randomize
