my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
