i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
