I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
