I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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