Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
