it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
