so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
