Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
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