I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
