I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
im six kinds of drunk right now
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
