Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
