Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
don't judge my taste in strippers
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
