Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
