sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
