I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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