So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
