we need to drink 2009 down the drain
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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