upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We have started to decorate penises.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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