I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My vagina is officially offended.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
