well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
