Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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