i would punch a child for taco bell
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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