i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
