Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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