So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
