sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
