I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I can't turn off my feet"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
