Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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