You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
