My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
