So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
