Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
