I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
