Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
