O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
