Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just pee around me
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
