I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
