just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
