Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
