yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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