is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
