remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Barsexuality is the new black.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
